‘A walk in the Parc!’ I shouted out loud to everyone and especially to myself. Despite the shitty last week I had, I still believe in that thought. But what happened last week made me to adapt my approach just a bit.
After the little setback I had with the rupture of my ureter, I felt like a 40 ton Leopard tank had driven over me. You are not going to believe me but that actually happened in real life to me. 🙂 When I was in training to become a tank platoon commander there was this kind of exercise where we had to lay down in a shallow pit with a cushion upon us and then the tank (Leopard 1A5, which was back then still part of the Belgian defense) would drive over us. The explanation for this completely ridiculous act was that we could then feel the pressure of the caterpillar. WTF?! I was never planning on finding myself underneath a monster of a tank EVER! But anyway, after it drove over you, you had to run behind it, climb on it, go to the front of over the tower with the canon (it was still driving), go over the bow in the front in the middle, hang yourself on it with your feet on the ground, have it drag you further a couple of meters and then let go while you were on the ground and let it pass over you, laying in-between the two caterpillars. WHAT AN EXERCISE HE!! And I actually liked it 🙂
I had four of these beasts under my command!
But just to show you that I know how it feels like. And this last week felt a hundred times worse! My body was actually making a big statement that it doesn’t really like the stent they placed in it. Next to that my whole internal store of stomach, intestines, female reproductive system is also not very happy with the heavy artillery that it is being bombarded with. So first of all my body needed to recuperate of the second operation under complete narcoses and the the stent being there and the pain I had had the week before. All these extra things make it also sometimes mentally hard. I stay away from bad and negative thoughts cause I don’t want to go that way or I go crazy every second. Therefor I make jokes, I just wanna laugh, keep that good vibe. And in the meantime of all that, it seems that all the organs in my belly are hanging loose. Not to mention the upcoming menopause that is about to kick in this week they told me. So here is a warning order my friends: if I act like a bitch and I am absolutely irrational and get emotional like a crazy woman, not to mention the possible moments of extreme sweating. PLEASE INDULGE ME!!! It is not me, it is need-a-satan-exorcist-Nele, she will go away again! I promise 🙂
So my idea of the treatment was that I was going to be able to be rather active and still go for a run and squash and all that while actually now I have to admit that it are not the most pleasant things to do with a loose internal system. Yes I did play some squash and when I would be eighty years old I would have said that I played a super game 🙂 Running for now is absolutely out of the question, my small bowel would immediately react I guess, not to mention the effect it has. This is an organ located high in the belly and is unfortunately really sensitive to radiation. Then it gets crossed and decides to strike. This results in diarrhea. Since yesterday morning it got to me, the bastard! This is the main worry of the hospital, diarrhea is to be avoided absolutely! So I was prepared for the battle and off course made it very clear that this is not the way we are going to play this game. It better gets back in line!!
But I can’t complain. I have no nausea (I get pills for that for four days), I am not sick, I have no tingling sensation in my fingers, I have no extra buzz in my ear (already have that a bit from the time that I was a tank platoon commander) and I will not loose my hair. Next to that awful belly feeling I have only a bit of loss of taste and also scent. But the worst thing I encounter is the fatigue. DAMN!! This I did not have in mind. I am so unbelievably tired. I mean I walk like 50 meters and I have to rest. I do some household chores and I have to rest. I brush my teeth sitting down :-). I feel like my body wants to move and do stuff but suddenly I am forced to sit. AWFULL!! Again I feel like the eighty year old, but as long as I don’t look like an eighty year old I can still handle it!
So this is what my doctor told me, whom I like very much by the way. It is one of the assistants of the professor (head of oncology and is on holiday). He is a young dude with very fancy red glasses and a nice and very lovable face. But next to that friendly face, I mainly like his approach. A young energetic approach. He is open, direct, clear in his explanations and he can handle bad jokes!!! MY bad jokes!! And he even makes jokes himself. He had heard that I’d rather be among taliban then in the hospital so he told me he wanted to put on his turban and his beard but forgot it! Isn’t that great! He told me that fatigue is absolutely normal but I have to stay active during the day. It is very important to keep a sleeping hygiene (first time I heard of a sleeping hygiene). That basically means that I have to make sure I have a good sleep at night and not sleep for hours during the day. At this very moment I am already not doing what he said because I’m writing this post at 04 AM but here in the hospital I am never tired because I can’t move around here. I am tied by all the tubes of the chemo and other liquids and of course to my favorite friend my bladder catheter :-). So I am physically not tired and they pass by several times during the night anyway to check or very early in the morning to take blood or whatever they need. At home I’m ok, when I get tired I just rest, I try not to sleep and if I fall asleep it is only for half an hour. Since last time I follow his orders closely! For now my sweet young doctor is my temporary corps commander! Very literally hahaha!!
But anyway, this week started good, so let it continue like that!
As for the Alien: I am giving it the bird!
For the ones who don’t understand ‘giving it the bird’, it means giving it the finger.
For the ones who don’t understand ‘giving it the finger’, it means giving it a fat f***.
For the ones who don’t understand ‘giving it a fat f***’, you probably don’t understand English 🙂