Mom, how was your first time? :-)

Funny that I write this as you might of course think of something else :-). But my mom was diagnosed 13 years ago with breast cancer and she underwent chemotherapy as well. This was thus an obvious question from me to her, because Tuesday I was about to have the first chemo, the start of it all! I thought it was about time because in-between the forst ‘bad’ news of having abnormal cells in my cervix and the start of my therapy lies almost four months.

But here we are! Had the first one. Mom told me she was mainly tired but not really sick. So I hope that I can go through it like her. Anyway I was going to loose my virginity three times on the same day that day!

  1. The bladder catheter. But I told you that story in one of my previous posts.
  2. The chemo: Actually it didn’t really shock me to much. The worst part was having the portacath placed. The needle that they stick in the portacath feels like a hard pinch but is finished in a second and then you feel nothing at all anymore. While if they have to search for veins (and in my case my veins decided not to cooperate anymore) that makes it harder for the nurses and me as it takes time and is an annoying feeling. This was quick and dirty, the way I like it! You don’t feel nothing of the product itself but I started to be tired rather quickly. As I told you my body needed to be rinsed another 18 hours in total so you are confined to the Christmas tree of baxters and your bladder catheter during all that time. The whole situation makes it difficult to move around off course but I tried to walk around anyway a bit cause it was so warm in the hospital and I was so thirsty and not feeling active. I know my body likes it when I move it a bit. But still it was hard, being tired and having a tube hanging between your legs. Now I know why men always whine all the time hahaha!!! I didn’t push my body to hard cause it was my first time and now I am trying to see how I can deal with it and what the side effects are.
  3. The radiation. The same day in the afternoon I also had my first radiation. That was actually petty cool. A little bit frighting in the beginning because all is new and you don’t know what to expect. This time it took a bit longer again because of my personal Christmas tree I was dragging around. Next time I’m gonna hang balls on it. The nurses needed to help me on the table properly. Then they position you in the right way all aligned on the tattoos I got (the four dots on my belly). The machine is calibrated on your personal body. Then it starts turning all around the afflicted area of your body. I always try to distract my mind and try to find ways to cope with things that are new and how to handle them in a comfortable way. This looked like I was in Star Wars or in the galaxy floating between the stars or space ships. Those three machines turning around me like you fly in space. It doesn’t take very long, only about 15 minutes and it is over. You don’t feel a thing about it but it is in your mind. Very strange! I mean, radiation waves are going through my body killing bad cells and I don’t feel nothing. But then again, you don’t feel the waves of your cell phone going through your ears and brain either. Think about it!! Yesterday I had the second radiation  and as I was laying there on the table, looking at the machines, I decided to embrace the machine. This machine is my Allie, it is like terminator. This machine will help me kill the alien inside me, so do not fear the machine Nele, embrace it!!img_8887x_alisha_and_sam_linac_lowres.jpg

This is what the machine looks likes and turns all around my body but then on the belly off course.

Today is Friday. I feel rather ok. I am not 100% but little household chores are doable (if I can rest half an hour afterwards :-)). The main problem is now my belly. I have to have my period this weekend but I don’t know the impact of everything on this aspect yet. There will be collateral damage, I know that already but now I think I”m also just tired of my upcoming period. I hope that next week I don’t have that and then the prognoses are that I am tired about three days a week from the chemo and I should be more or less ok the rest of the week. If that is the case and it can stay like that: I will be a very happy woman!

But I also know that it is an absolute must to make my body move and activate it a bit. Only my mindset of normally taking my body to the edge while doing sports or other things will now be: keeping it moving a bit until it tells me that it was ok. It is already performing high level on another scale (fighting the toxic in my body) that I will respect it when it says that it was ok. SO tonight I will go and try to play some squash with Greet. I think it will be very very very calm…. But for now that is perfect!

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